The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
