She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Are my feet made of real feet?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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