And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
