Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize