Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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