Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Randomize