I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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