I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just pee around me
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
