Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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