Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
