your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
