oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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