Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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