Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i was born a porn star she said
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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