Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
