So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
