My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
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Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
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Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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