i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
