I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
