Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
