I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
