there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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