my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
why does every cop we meet know your name?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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