I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
