Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
