he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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