When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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