shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
