it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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