Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
