Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
