I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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