I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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