At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
