am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
