His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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