There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
