let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
