We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
