you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
