I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
