pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
