I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
