Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
