He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
