I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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