I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
