I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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