How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
