My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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