Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
