no, he came in my armpit
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
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This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
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For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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