Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
another moral hangover. fuck.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
