I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
