if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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