It's like God shit irony all over that family
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
