I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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