there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
