i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
