Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
