thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Randomize
