Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
