Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
