Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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