Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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