i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
