why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
