Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
