I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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