this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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