Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
