he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
