Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
