A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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