I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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