Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
