Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
