You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
