the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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