can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
