JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
